Mental Health Awareness- Finding the Light

Now, I didn’t ever think I’d be sat here typing away and talking about this. I have always shared my Mental Health in order to promote awareness. As it is so important we promote Mental Health Awareness. I’ve been a little MIA recently and for once I actually have a reason not just that I was being lazy. But, that’s a whole other post coming soon giving you a little life update. For now, I want to talk about finding the light. I have always been open about my struggle with my mental health and for so long I thought I was coping. Yes, I did have a rough patch but after trial and error, I found some medication that helped me cope with everyday life and feel more like me. But, wham shabam that all came crashing down about 6 months ago.

Mental Health Awareness- finding the light

We live in a world where Mental Health is more prevalent in society due to developments in diagnosis. But, along with that comes the stigma and discrimination. Don’t you think it’s about time we end that and raise Mental Health Awareness within society?

Rewind

It all started with the little niggling thoughts that I used to have in the past. You know the thoughts like I need to walk this way to said destination you know or something bad could happen. Now, I’m hoping you’re reading this and thinking no Brooke I’ve never had these thoughts! I wouldn’t wish any of the thoughts I’m going to discuss on anyone. But, good old me just kept plodding along. Life is busy. I’m in my final year of my degree so I’m a busy person and I just put these thoughts down to stress and just kept it to myself. But, keeping things to yourself over time is not good and before you know, it’s spiralling out of control. A bit like my life at this point.

Anyone who has experienced these thoughts knows they are very strong and scary. It’s as if someone is saying to you don’t walk that way to the shop or something bad will happen! I don’t know about you but if someone said that to me I’d be like no thanks I’ll listen to you and walk a different way. So, imagine what it’s like when this is a recurring thought! One day, these thoughts are eventually going to pile up and that’s when you end up like this…

A mess

If I was being comical I’d say a hot mess (like attractive) but I don’t think that word has ever or will ever be associated with me. But, at this point I couldn’t be any further from attractive. I was turning into a hermit crab, petrified to leave my flat because of these thoughts. At least I was safe at home right? Wrong! These thoughts perpetuated and boy I didn’t think they could get any worse but I was wrong.

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Now, the next bit is still a bit raw and sensitive so I don’t want to go into detail about the nitty gritty (in the politest way) but life at that point to me didn’t seem great.

But

That’s when my family and friends stepped in. I took a step backwards from social media as I found it so negative. I was constantly comparing myself to others and setting unrealistic goals and punishing myself when I didn’t achieve them. It’s so easy at that moment to be harsh on yourself but now looking back I wish I’d cut myself some slack. I was a full time univeristy student trying to cope with the hardest year of my study and stay afloat. Which I didn’t achieve any at that point.

I spent so much time during this period with my family and my boyfriends family. I am a family girl and there is nothing I love more than spending time with them away from my phone. Cue walks, adventures and just those silly moments when you sit talking and reminiscing about when you were little and used to do silly stuff like wash your sisters toothbrush in soap because she was mean to you (okay just me that did that). My family and friends are great as they have an understanding of mental health awareness and although they may never of been personally affected by mental health they have first hand seen the effects.

At this point, I was feeling calmer and happier with my family but as soon as I stepped away from that and back into reality and my degree I was back to square one. Do you know how a swan looks graceful when swimming on the water? Well, underneath th water their feet are chuffing paddling like a hot mess trying to stay afloat. I felt like this! I was barely staying afloat and the cracks were starting to show.

Sort myself out

Now, it’s so easy to sit here and type and be like yeah I sorted myself out. Yeah, Brooke course you did like it was an overnight thing! It wasn’t. I remember the endless phone calls to my parents a mess because of these thoughts and telling them I just wanted it to stop.

But, I persevered. At this point, my life was crumbling down around me. I felt like I had no control and I was just trying to keep my life in tack at least until I’d submitted my dissertation. Then, out of nowhere whack another set of news. Of course, it wasn’t good news but you know what the trooper I am, I just took it in and was like great next.

Little FYI, since then I have come to terms with the news and I’m fine! Ready for the next set of bad news to hit me I actually got some good news? I didn’t really know what that felt like but wow some actual good news! I’m not going to sit here and be like it was all great, I honestly was waiting for that moment when life was like jokes it isn’t good news here you go. But, it didn’t. I actually have the opportunity to do something I’ve always wanted to do!

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If I’d of been presented with this news 7 months ago there is no way I would have said yes. Okay, I’ve had 6 months of hell, absolute hell. But, I’m now in a place where I feel ready to do what I want to do.

Now

I guess that leads us up to now. 6 months ago I couldn’t see what I’d face at the end of the day. But, now I’m looking forward to what the next year holds for me. I’ve proved to myself that I can do it! So, I guess this whole ramble is me just trying to say that you may be going through a rough patch, a real rough patch but it will get better! Probably when you least expect it and you’re at your weakest. Because, if there is one thing I have learn’t it is life will push you to your breaking point but you will see the light!

You can do this and you will! It will get better and you can look back and see how far you have come! To future me, I hope you look back at this and see what an amazing person you are, although life has thrown many challenges in your way you have thrown them back and shown how amazing you are!

I’ve found help from sources such as Action for Happiness and 50 ways to take a break.

But, what’s your story? I’d love to know how you’ve found the light in your story and what it was! It’s time to break the stigma around mental health and share our story in order to promote awarness of mental health.

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